The guy at the bar

Being true to yourself is not always easy. Sometimes it is one of the most difficult, yet revealing things that we can do: being true and honest with oneself. In the last few days I have embarked on a detox program, that truly is not that extreme in terms of guidelines, but it does push your limits. My menu does not currently include many of the things that it normally does for my regular diet before I started this program (wine and beer, cheese, chocolate bars, bread) so in having recently hone out to public places, I have had to conform my menu to theirs.

While at a mellow neighborhood bar in Santa Barbara this past weekend, I was offered a beer many times. Thanks, but I am okay. Eventually I found my way to the bar and while listening to the wondrous beats of Sleighbells (whom I only recently discovered), I decided tea would be my cuppa that night. Chamomile tea, please! I pulled the Scrabble board game that was sitting on the game shelf in the bar and proceeded to create various 3-4 letter words.

Other times, I am tossing back G&Ts or IPAs and carrying on conversations left and right. I eat peanuts to compliment whatever I am drinking. This time: I was almost at a point of meditation while at a bar outing. It was NICE. I was with good company and mentally stimulating myself on a Friday night without the "traditional" desire to spend $50 on inebriating substances.

While this experience was only the first of many, I am sure. I found that I was "that guy" sitting at the bar, sipping away at my tea while most others were getting canned on wine and beer. It was even harmonious to be doing such an act that was a little more foreign to me. I plan to continue being that guy who orders tea... and secretly wishing he was having a glass of wine.

When change happens...

Recently I have found myself surrounded by change. Loose change in my pockets, the leaves on trees starting to change slightly in color, co-workers being let go, my little sister getting engaged, getting to know myself better through exploring that which I connect with, watching and feeling the weather get cooler... it's all relevant change.

It is when this change happens and how we react to it that makes a big difference. I spoke to my father this evening and after a little while of shooting the shit we were about to hang-up and then I interrupted with an inquiry as to his feelings regarding the recent engagement. Now my father has never really been one to show emotion. I can count on my fingers the number of times I have really seen the emotional heart of my dad. His response to my question resembled his common state of being: neutral. I pushed him to expose himself a bit. I want to see him really be into what he was thinking, but he digressed.

We all make decisions to not fully involve ourselves in life experiences to our full extent, if we did pour all of our energy, heart and soul into everything we did every single day, either we would be extremely drained and really tired, or we would need to slow WAY down. Nonetheless, my feeling is that in this "fast paced" life many of us live in (whether we want to or not) we have to choose our battles. Change is happening all around us, every second of the day and what we choose to focus on should provide a sense of savoring. It was said to me recently, "Those who have the ability to savor lead the happiest lives." Savor those moments that you are confronted with, both positive and negative. Its the balance of both that will allow a forward trajectory.

I will most likely re-visit the topic with my dad. I'll just have to find the right way to approach it to make it positive for both of us. After all change is good and learning to include and digest the emotions that come with change will make us that much better.