Confronting fears...

Today I found myself pushing through a fear. I fear death. Not the act of dying, since that will happen to us all, but the concept of death after someone has died. I think im scarred a bit from past experiences and childhood memories of close relatives and loved ones who have passed on. Today I took a moment of repose... inside of a coffin....with the lid shut.

I was freaked out for a second. The first few moments, once the lid was shut I could think two things 1) Holy crap, I'm claustrophobic; and 2) This is where my uncle, cousin and grandfather have lied with their hands crossed in the same manner. I fought this thought. I psyched myself out a bit, just like I would when I was a kid. Before I would tell myself, "They are watching over me and taking care of me from above..." Today I thought, "I get to experience rest just as my loved ones have in the past, and in a similar space in which I am lying now, they still lie."

Changing my attitude about the situation and viewing it from a different perspective was all it took. You know, I was brought up with the idea that when someone dies, they go to heaven. The tradition was that for 9 days after the death we pray the rosary in hopes that the prayer would reserve their spot in heaven. We wore black to the funeral. We cry. We are sad. In my most recent experience of passing, my friend was provided a farewell celebration. A celebration of her life, which was a new approach to me and I really appreciated. Share stories. Cry. Laugh. Play music. Eat, Drink. Be merry. This was the first time that I was not scared after dealing with death. I knew it was going to a better place.

I guess its how the person who passes wants to be celebrated and it brings to mind: "How do I want my ceremony to be when I die?" and the reality of it is, I want to be celebrated as if I were still alive. A celebration of life at its best. Food, Live Music, Friends and Family, in a nice open space, games, laughter, creating more memories.

I think moving forward I am going to visit the coffin more often and just embrace it. Let it authentically represent itself in its finest form: a safe space.